A little secret

18 03 2009

There’s a song called “Dirty Little Secret” that I know.  I first heard it during my time as a high school dance team coach while we were attending summer camp.  They spent 4 hard, sweaty hours learning a fast, college level routine and were expected to perform it perfectly the next day.  And……well that’s a whole nuther story for a whole nuther time. 

Back to the song.

Dirty Little Secrets – everybody has them.  Everyone wants to know everyone elses.  Admit it.  You do.  I do.  I don’t want to use the information to harm anyone.  I’m just nosey.  But what if your dirty little secrets weren’t so dirty after all?  Of course, you’d never know because you don’t have anyone else’s dirty little secrets to compare them to! 

As much as I want to know little tid bits of information from other people’s lives.  I’m content to sit on mine and not share my cookies with anyone else.  But I will share one thing………………………

I try to do for others to sometimes feel better about myself.  Selfish?  Maybe.  Dirty?  Definately not.  A secret?  Yes, it was – up until 10 seconds ago. 

You see, I am a very self involved person.  (Read the former “Pride” post below)  I want to do what makes ME feel better.  I want to read something that helps ME spiritually.  I want the world to revolve around ME and to bow to my every whim.  Will it ever happen  – uh…..No.  And I know this.  But it has taken me 33 years – there another secret!- to find that out. 

We have got one life.  Only one.  One day – today.  That’s all we get right now.  What’s going to make me happy?  Feeding my face full of mashed potatoes, Fudruckers burgers, Chic-Fil-A and drinking pomegranate martinis?  (more secrets – my favorite foods)  It might make my taste buds happy but it won’t do much else.  What about sitting down in a spotless house that consumed 4 hours or more of my energy that day to a couple of hours of LOST or Scrubs or The Girls Next Door (yes I actually do watch it.) 

I could go on – but you get the point. 

None of that would make me truly happy as I lay my head down at night and think my final thoughts for the day.  So what would? 

Making a cake for a friend.  Just because I can.

Offering my time to an organization I believe in to help serve my community.  Because someone helped me along the way – it’s only right that I should be the one to extend the same helping hand. 

Using my time to share with other mothers the trials and tribulations of motherhood and making each other’s lives better for the exchange.  Being a first time mother, I know I’m not the first and I definately could use the help and advice.  Why not pass that along to someone else in the same situation? 

Taking on a project for someone else because I know they are overworked and I see a need for the product.  And not getting paid for it. 

These things make me feel good.  These and other things, help give my life meaning and a purpose. 

My dirty little secret is that I like doing for others.


Not Surviving but Thriving

17 03 2009

I had a friend remark about some of my recent Facebook postings, saying that I’ve become a “spiritual poster”.  It felt like a back-handed compliment and I let it hurt my feelings – just a little bit.  Then I came to my senses.  There’s nothing wrong with being a “spiritual poster”. 

I’ve felt myself growing closer to God and closer to my family since we have moved to Greenville.  Part of that comes from not knowing a soul in town and having only God and your family for conversation!  I have to say – it’s been a reluctant growth but a good experience so far.  I feel myself hanging on to the old me – but when I really sit down and think about it, I wasn’t happy at all with who I had become.  Working 3 jobs, never home, overworked, underpaid, always stressed out and always tired.  That was me.  Who wants that………really?  I had no real time to dedicate to myself, my husband or our new son.  And I kept making the same choices that lead to the same results – I was not in a good place.  Add Chicago winters to the mix and it can be a lethal combination. 

I think God heard me.  He answered my prayers.

Since we’ve moved I’ve had a hard time adjusting to a different way of life.  I now stay at home with our son, for the time being – I may go back to work in the summer or fall, but just ONE job – and part time!  I now feel like I have time to help my family grow as God wants them to grow – and I’ve realized that I have time for God – I’m trying to make it a priority instead of trying to squeeze Him in.  After all – He’s the reason we’re here and if we don’t act on His behalf we’re not doing what is best for us and those around us.  My family and friends mean a lot to me and I want to act on God’s behalf and do what’s best for my family and my friends.  I can feel myself opening up and listen to God and what His plan is for me.  It’s a wonderful feeling.  I’m thriving – not just surviving anymore. 

Some days it can be hard to open up and I can feel myself sliding back into “Selfish Gina Mode” and I have to slow down and take a look at each of my blessings every day. 

Today’s blessings:

I woke up / so did my husband / so did my son / everyone’s healthy / I got to work out / I have a playdate today / new friends / awesome church family / Easter is coming / and the dog let my son pet him for 5 whole minutes….

Don’t just survive – THRIVE!